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'As a strategy for picking up girls, my pseudo-intellectualism proved mostly worthless; I found myself in a series of affectionate but chaste friendships,' the former president recalled. In the 1970s, Eric Weber published How to Pick Up Girls!, which sold millions of copies and was adapted into a movie. Such gems from the how-to guide include referring to women as “fragile creatures,” and suggesting that women stopped wearing bras and started wearing miniskirts to “stimulate” men.

Sadly, not everyone you meet will have your best interests at heart. Pickup artists, for instance, make a game out of using certain techniques in their dating strategy in order to get targets to have sex with them. Some of these pickup artist tactics can be fairly obvious. But since they can also be effective, it's important to know how to spot them.

Pickup artist techniques became pretty well known after Neil Strauss’s book, The Game: Undercover in the Secret Society of Pick-up Artists, became mainstream over a decade ago. The book, which has been called a “misogynistic pickup manual,” features dangerously manipulative tricks for men looking to get women into bed. In recent years, Strauss himself has called the techniques “objectifying and horrifying.”

'Like narcissists and sociopaths, a pickup artist is all about using and exploiting others for personal gain,' dating coach Connell Barrett, tells Bustle. Typically, a pickup artist is a person who studies the art of manipulating women by using sophisticated tactics, lies, and psychological tricks to seduce them.

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According to Barrett, a pickup artists see sex as a form of conquest, not connection. 'A woman is a 'target,' an interaction is a 'set,' and he'll try to take her to a 'seduction location,' he says. 'There’s nothing wrong with learning to be a better, more confident dater. But it should be about connection, not conquest.' Pickup artists are all about the latter.

It's not always easy to tell if someone is being genuine with you or if they truly don't have your best interests at heart. So here are some shockingly effective pickup artist techniques experts say to be aware of.

'Pickup artists use a gradually escalating system of physical touching that some call 'kino escalation,' Barrett says. The idea here is simple enough — a pickup artist will make their intended target comfortable with the idea of getting physical by easing into it and testing your boundaries. For instance, they might start by greeting you with a hug or a high-five. Later on, they'll place a hand on your back or brush the hair out of your eyes.

The main goal here is to get a woman into bed. If that's not something you're interested in, state your boundaries and be firm. Call them out on it. 'There’s nothing a pickup artist hates more than getting 'caught' using tricks and techniques,' Barrett says. 'It’s like kryptonite to them.' If you're not completely comfortable calling someone out, you can try brushing off their touches, or you can attempt to leave the situation. Put a little more physical distance between the two of you. Pickup artists use physical escalation to see how far they can go. So if you're not feeling it, they should back off.

Watch out for those folks who, when they meet you, take your hand and twirl you around like you're starting a dance. It may seem like a silly yet suave way to start a date. But according to Barrett, it's a 'pick up artist 101 trick' that's used to begin physical escalation. 'If you meet someone at a bar or club and they spin you within a minute of meeting you, there’s a good chance they're a pickup artist, or were trained by one.' Anytime someone seems 'too smooth' or 'too good to be true' and it raises red flags, don't ignore it. Your gut feeling may be telling you something really is off.

Similar to sociopaths, Barrett says pickup artists will project a false image of themselves for whatever fits their purpose. Sometimes, they'll do it to hide their insecurities. Other times, they'll do it in order to be whoever they think their target wants them to be. Another trick is acting sweet and romantic as a form of manipulation, Barrett says. 'It’s effective because it speaks to what [some people] want: a cool, trustworthy partner to connect with.'

They may start this by trying to find things in common, or talking about the future with you, he says. 'Some even use 'statements of vulnerability' to amplify the perception that they're sensitive and relatable.' According to him, this typically works because many singles are looking for the love and connection that comes with having a partner.

'This is an 'old-school technique' that Neil Strauss, wrote about in The Game and it’s still being taught,' Barrett says. A 'neg' is a cross between an insult and a compliment. According to him, it’s a line that pickup artists use to lower a woman's self-esteem or to make them self-conscious, and as a result, make her feel compelled to seek validation from him.

'Pay no attention to backhanded compliments or notice if someone crow-bars in comments about your incompatibility as a couple ('You and I would never get along — our personalities are too different'),' Barrett says. 'These are signs they're trying to 'game' you, rather than genuinely connect with you.' In short, someone who likes you won't feel the need to attack your self-esteem.

This is a phrase that pickup artists use to diffuse a situation when their attempts to get physical makes a target feel uncomfortable. Like narcissists and sociopaths, pickup artists want someone to feel they are empathetic and have the best intentions, Barrett says. That's where the 'statement of empathy' comes in. It's a scripted line that's often used right after a pickup artist tries to touch or kiss you, and you're not into it. Some examples include, 'Sorry, I'm a big hugger,' or 'Sorry, I just got caught up in the moment.'

This is meant to show that the pickup artist understands how you are feeling, but also offers an excuse that can be forgiven, Barrett says. 'It’s meant to build trust, because it supposedly shows that he can read social cues.'

As psychotherapist Patti Sabla, LCSW, tells Bustle, people who don't have your best interests at heart will successfully charm you by making you feel special and appreciated. 'Some enjoy the challenge of trying to get others to do things for them, like making special accommodations or giving them special attention or treatment,' Sabla says. 'When they get this special treatment, they act totally grateful.'

They're likely to keep up the act until they get bored.It's not easy to tell if someone's just using you or being genuine, especially if things are new. So be cautious. 'Don't show all of your cards or give someone complete access to your life until they can prove they can be trusted,' Sabla says. 'Sociopaths and narcissists, for instance, prey on the kind and the weak. You can still be kind, but don't let that kindness turn into weakness.'

'In Robert Cialdini’s book, Influence, he talks about the power of social proof to persuade and coerce, and that’s what pickup artists are trying to do,' Barrett says. For instance, a pickup artist will flirt with the bartender in front of their date, talk a lot about exes, or tell a made-up story about how they got hit on that day to 'prove' their worth. The thinking goes, if many people desire and want them, then anyone should. So just be aware of someone who's trying to play up their desirability.

Unfortunately, there are sketchy people out there who are only looking out for themselves. In order to avoid being manipulated by a pickup artist or anyone who doesn't have your best interest at heart, go with your gut.If something feels off to you, don't ignore it. Always remember, if someone's truly interested in you, they won't need to resort to any of the above tactics.

The Pickup Artist is an American reality television dating themed game show that aired on VH1.^[2] The show was hosted by pickup artist Mystery (Erik von Markovik) and his wings J-Dog (Justin Marks) and James Matador, with Tara Ferguson replacing J-Dog in season 2. The first season featured eight male contestants that had previously been unsuccessful in love and relationships. Throughout the show the contestants are tutored in the art of the 'pickup' as taught by Mystery and his wings. In each episode the men were given challenges that involved picking women up in different situations, such as on a bridge during the day or in a nightclub. As the show progressed the men were instructed to pick up women of varying levels of difficulty, such as in the second to last challenge of the first season where the men had to pick up a stripper, described by Mystery as 'the ultimate challenge.'^[3] The winner of the first season was Alvaro 'Kosmo' Orlando.

The second season featured nine contestants and aired in October 2008,^[4] with the second season's winner being 27-year-old Simeon Moses.

Seasons[edit]

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Season One[edit]

Contestants[edit]

Episode Progress[edit]

The contestant won immunity.

The contestant was chosen as a wingman and had immunity.

The contestant was eliminated.

The contestant quit the competition.

The contestant won the title of the Pickup Artist.

• Note 1: Episode 1 had no elimination.
• Note 2: Alvaro changed his name to Kosmo in Episode 2.
• Note 3: Contrary to statements made earlier in the episode, no wing men were allowed to be selected in Episode 5.
• Note 4: Episode 8 was a recap episode.

Season Two[edit]

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Contestants[edit]

Episode Progress[edit]

The contestant won immunity.

The contestant was chosen as a wingman and had immunity.

The contestant was eliminated.

The contestant won the title of the Pickup Artist.

Reception[edit]

The initial viewer ratings were disappointing, debuting with only 673,000 viewers.^[5][6] Viewer ratings picked up by the season's end, resulting in the series being picked up for a second season.

Critical reception for the series was mixed, with The A.V. Club panning the second season's opening episode.^[7]

Controversy[edit]

Controversy began to cloud The Pickup Artist after revelations that some of the contestants' livelihoods were not as they were listed on the VH1 show profiles.^[8] Alvaro 'Kosmo' Orlando had been referred to as a game programmer, but he actually had been an aspiring actor for the previous four years - working out of Miami, New York, and Los Angeles.^[9]Runner-up contestant Brady Sprunger was characterized as a shy photographer, but he had been working for a modeling agency, the Los Angeles-based Action Agency, for five full years prior to the show's taping.

According to Psychology Today, the empirical feeling 'that some teachings of pick-up artists are grounded in theory does not negate the callous and objectionable nature of the field.',^[10] so that it belongs to pseudoscience^[11] without empirical evidence of truth.^[12]

See also[edit]

References[edit]

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Notes

1. ^Parker, Robin (October 5, 2007). 'RDF Rights takes on VH1's Pick Up'. Broadcast: 12. Retrieved March 6, 2010.^{[permanent dead link]}
2. ^'VH1 Is Negging Us All'. avclub.com. The A.V. Club.
3. ^'The Pickup Artist' Finale Airs TonightArchived July 18, 2012, at the Wayback Machine BuddyTV
4. ^The Pickup Artist 2: Mystery is Back Crushable
5. ^Levin, Gary (August 14, 2007).'Nielsens: Big bucks, big start for '10'. USA Today. Retrieved on September 13, 2007.
6. ^'The Pickup Artist' Ripples in RealityArchived July 21, 2012, at the Wayback Machine BuddyTV
7. ^The Pickup Artist 2: If You Don't Go For Tired Openers The A.V. Club
8. ^A Look Back at the First Season of 'The Pickup Artist,' Plus Kosmo Speaks OutArchived July 21, 2012, at the Wayback Machine BuddyTV
9. ^'The Pick Up Artist: King Kosmo Konfesses! VH1 Blog'
10. ^'The Psychology of the Pickup Artist'. November 11, 2014. Archived from the original on June 6, 2018.
11. ^Steadman, Ian (June 4, 2014). 'The sexist pseudoscience of pick-up artists: the dangers of 'alpha male' thinking'. New Statesman. Retrieved February 8, 2017.
12. ^'Mistery Method on Google Scholar'. Archived from the original on May 9, 2019. Retrieved May 9, 2019.

Sources

• 'VH1 show teaches men how to meet women'. Powerfully Confident. August 1, 2007. Archived from the original on January 13, 2017. Retrieved August 4, 2007.

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External links[edit]

• The Pick-up Artist (V-spot).
• The Pick-up Artist on IMDb
• The Pick-up Artist at TV.com

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